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Elisha's Home and Ministries
NO CONTROL
INDIRECT  
DIRECT
People loving me

Parenting a child 13-18
years old  
Money
Acceptance   

Image of others    

Security

Parenting a child 18 or older
Family   
Performance
Health illness  
Friends response
Relationships ( your part)
    Parenting a child birth - 12
    Career
    Fitness
    Appearance
Lesson Seven
Healthy Boundaries: Why Do I
Need Them?

One of my biggest lessons in life was being able to say,
“No!” rather than always trying to please people.  

Many people have a hard time saying “No!” You might have
to practice it a few times.   What set me free was when I
learned that when I say, “Yes,” with my mouth, and “No,”
with my heart, God only sees my heart.  That set me free:
I thought why say “Yes,” because I am afraid to hurt people’s
feelings and feared rejection.  Then I leaned that I have a
hula hoop: I am the only one in my hula hoop with God. I
learned very quickly that I didn’t have to let others in my
hula hoop to make decisions for me that were mine to make.
Once we enter adulthood, our parents only have influence
over us.  They may express their opinion, but the bottom line
is that you are responsible for you. To understand that, I
must understand that I am the only one that can change in my
situation.  I can’t change others.  What powerful stuff this was to
learn.  I hope that you can learn this lesson too and be set free
in your thinking as well.

Below is a simple version of what boundaries are all about.  

Healthy boundaries give you rest and peace.  
( Matthew 28) We
all have boundaries, which we will call your “hula hoop,” the
invisible property line around you.  You are responsible for
“YOU.”  Example:  “You make me mad!!!” This statement
gives another the power and authority over you.  

Without freedom, there is no obedience.  If you are not free
to say “No!” then “YES” is not a gift.  If you say “YES,” but
your heart says “ NO!”  God only sees your heart.  He sees “NO.”  
You are the only one in your hula hoop with God.     

What is inside your circle?
  • Your emotions
  •        Your Spirit
  •    Your Attitude
  •      Your Needs
  •    Your Dreams
  •       Your Goals
  •  Your Sexuality
  •        Your Fears
  •  Your Opinions
  •    Your Desires

You are responsible for YOU !!!!!

You know you have healthy boundaries when
  •        You know yourself.
  •           You like yourself.
  •      You can be yourself.

Lack of Boundaries will cause
  •       Domination
  •       Intimidation
  •     Manipulation

Common Troublesome Boundaries
1.Overly Complaint :

Boundaries are weak; fear of hurting others feelings;
fear of rejection or abandonment.   
Practice saying “NO!”

2. Isolation/ Avoidance The inability to ask for help

3.C
ontrolling

Aggressive/ Passive
Domination – Intimidation- Guilt Withdrawal.
Don’t respect others’ boundaries

4.Neglects Responsibilities
Blame shifter - it is always someone else’s fault.

With our children we have different levels of control.







What Is Your Circle of Concern?

















Three Life Skills to Master at Toddler, Adolescence, Young Adults or
Adulthood

   1.  Able to form emotional attachments (bonding) and remain
themselves.*
2.   Able to hear “NO” from appropriate others or authority.
    
3.  Saying “No” without fear of discipline or manipulation.

When all these are mastered, one will experience
SELF-CONTROL.


Chip Judd is one of my favorite teachings on boundaries.
NO CONTROL
INDIRECT  
DIRECT
People loving me

Parenting a child 13-18
years old  
Money
Acceptance   

Image of others    

Security

Parenting a child 18 or older
Family   
Performance
Health illness  
Friends response
Relationships ( your part)
    Parenting a child birth - 12
    Career
    Fitness
    Appearance

God holds us responsible

Direct control  
Parenting  - birth – 12 years
old
Influence Only
In Direct Control    
Parenting 12-18 years old
You have to “TRUST”
No Control  
18 and older