Healthy Boundaries: Why Do I
One of my biggest lessons in life was being able to say,
“No!” rather than always trying to please people.
Many people have a hard time saying “No!” You might have
to practice it a few times. What set me free was when I
learned that when I say, “Yes,” with my mouth, and “No,”
with my heart, God only sees my heart. That set me free:
I thought why say “Yes,” because I am afraid to hurt people’s
feelings and feared rejection. Then I leaned that I have a
hula hoop: I am the only one in my hula hoop with God. I
learned very quickly that I didn’t have to let others in my
hula hoop to make decisions for me that were mine to make.
Once we enter adulthood, our parents only have influence
over us. They may express their opinion, but the bottom line
is that you are responsible for you. To understand that, I
must understand that I am the only one that can change in my
situation. I can’t change others. What powerful stuff this was to
learn. I hope that you can learn this lesson too and be set free
in your thinking as well.
Below is a simple version of what boundaries are all about.
Healthy boundaries give you rest and peace. ( Matthew 28) We
all have boundaries, which we will call your “hula hoop,” the
invisible property line around you. You are responsible for
“YOU.” Example: “You make me mad!!!” This statement
gives another the power and authority over you.
Without freedom, there is no obedience. If you are not free
to say “No!” then “YES” is not a gift. If you say “YES,” but
your heart says “ NO!” God only sees your heart. He sees “NO.”
You are the only one in your hula hoop with God.
What is inside your circle?
You are responsible for YOU !!!!!
You know you have healthy boundaries when
Lack of Boundaries will cause
Common Troublesome Boundaries
1.Overly Complaint :
Boundaries are weak; fear of hurting others feelings;
fear of rejection or abandonment.
Practice saying “NO!”
2. Isolation/ Avoidance The inability to ask for help
Domination – Intimidation- Guilt Withdrawal.
Don’t respect others’ boundaries
Blame shifter - it is always someone else’s fault.
With our children we have different levels of control.
What Is Your Circle of Concern?
Three Life Skills to Master at Toddler, Adolescence, Young Adults or
1. Able to form emotional attachments (bonding) and remain
2. Able to hear “NO” from appropriate others or authority.
3. Saying “No” without fear of discipline or manipulation.
When all these are mastered, one will experience
Chip Judd is one of my favorite teachings on boundaries.